Parenting challenges within the homes, when parents get mired in discords & separations

Prameyanews English

Published By : Prameya News Bureau | November 10, 2023 IST

parenting

By D N Singh   

As a sequel to the proper parenting in the time of odds, we bring yet another aspect connected to the children and that is the disturbed relationship between the parents itself.

This has grown to be a common feature among parents when relations get embittered by circumstances and some induced by an uncompromising trait among the father or mother.    

Not the effects of what happens outside but inside the family.  

As we know, a small indifference between the parents always has a noticeable impact on a child in the family.

It becomes more flummoxing if the parental discord worsens to separation and more like divorce,     

The period during which parents go through a separation or divorce can be profoundly challenging for children. Feelings of confusion, sadness, anger, and a myriad of other emotions may surge, often all at once.

We caught up with some experts on Behavioral Science and Clinical Psychologist and this is what they had to say to help children navigate this tumultuous time.

Firstly, just understand that your parents' separation or discord is not your fault. While it's natural to wonder if there's something you could have done differently, it's vital to remember that this is a decision made between adults, based on their individual and collective experiences.

Whatever you're feeling -- be it sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief -- it's normal. That is quite natural, Every child reacts differently to such situations, and there's no "right" or "wrong" way to feel.

Ignoring or suppressing your emotions may lead to destructive behaviors later on. Instead, acknowledge them, understand them, and find ways to express them healthily with some close ones.

Divert attentions

Engage in physical activities, pick up a new hobby, journal your thoughts, or spend time with friends. Consider seeking professional help if feelings become overwhelming.

Find a comfortable environment where you can reflect and process your feelings. This could be a quiet corner of your room, a park, or even a library. Seek out neutral adults to communicate with. Having someone to talk to, like a grandparent, teacher, school counselor, or family friend, can provide solace and guidance. They can offer an outside perspective and a listening ear.

That would relieve one a lot and help rise above depressions if any.

They're going through their challenges, but it's crucial to express how their separation affects you. Keeping lines of communication open can help all involved.

Mind all that children take no sides at all. Simply  understand that your parents’ lived experiences feel overwhelmingly true to them, even when they are in conflict. Listening to one side of the story and taking action or seeking a resolution on that basis is unlikely to bear any fruitful outcomes.

Resist the urge that seeks to mediate or resolve. This isn’t something you can fix, and attempts to do so are likely to be hurtful experiences for both you and your parents

This will be an emotionally charged time for all of you. If you feel overwhelmed while acting as an emotional support for your parent(s), it might be essential to set boundaries.

Remember that you too are dealing with the separation and need space and support to process your own feelings. You might consider seeking intervention from trusted adults or recommending professional help for your parents.

Even if you end up staying with one parent predominantly, find ways to keep a healthy relationship with both. This might include working out visitation schedules or finding shared activities.

Be ready to adjust with changes if no truce takes place between the both. So, take the changed aspects with care and caution. 

A divorce often leads to significant lifestyle shifts. Understand that these changes are a part of the process and can be steered with time and patience. You might have to move to a new home or change schools. Remember, change can be an opportunity for a fresh start.

There might be changes in financial dynamics, leading to altered lifestyles. Open conversations with your parents can help set expectations. In time, one or both of your parents may start dating.   strange, but remember, they too are humans with needs for companionship.

Sometimes time is a great healer and in many such cases also we must leave some issues to time and circumstances.  

About the Author: DN Singh is a Bhubaneswar-based senior journalist.

DISCLAIMER: This is the personal opinion of the author. The views expressed in this write-up have nothing to do with www.prameyanews.com.

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